Travelling with kids — insights
This is a collection of thoughts I've put together over the past few weeks to help us remember some of the insights, learnings, frustrations and joys of travelling with kids... enjoy!
SAFETY
We're pleased to say that, after losing the boys in Singapore on the very first day of this trip, we have so far not lost them again! Sometimes, at particularly busy places like the Louvre or Shibuya Scramble Crossing, we agree on a spot to meet if we should become separated. But mostly we have just become very good at sticking together! Little things, like making sure one adult goes first and the other goes last when we're going through turnstiles or getting on or off trains, have become second nature.
Sometimes, while walking down the street or doing the grocery shopping, B and I have a little giggle about how diligently the boys are following on our heels even while being completely absorbed in their own in-depth conversational game and not appearing to take any notice of our surroundings. We've been known to fully circle a random parked car just to see if they'd notice. One did... the other had no idea why we were all laughing!
Another thing that makes us smile is that the boys ask, "is the water safe to drink?" the first time they go to get themselves a drink in each new country. It doesn't seem to matter how many times we tell them it'll be safe everywhere we go for the rest of the trip! We've only been in one country where it wasn't recommended to drink the tap water (Malaysia), but they certainly seem to have taken this lesson to heart.
Finally, as with getting lost, being pickpocketed was a better teacher than any number of theoretical discussions on the subject. A muttered "be vigilant" is all it takes to remind everyone when we're approaching a metro station. However, our initial levels of hypervigilance and paranoia have abated to a manageable level now. On our last night in Paris, I even felt confident enough to extract my phone from its super-safe inside pocket in order to read Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix aloud to the family on the metro... a great way to distract us all from sore feet, long journeys and hunger!
TOGETHERNESS
One of the things I was most looking forward to about this trip was getting to spend so much time together. All day every day for five months straight, to be precise! To be able to spend so much time with each other in this usually full-on stage of life, experiencing so many new things together, truly is an incredible privilege and one I'm trying not to take for granted. Of course, we all sometimes get stressed or cranky or hangry or tired, but no more so than at home. In fact, maybe even less so than at home. At least it's happening somewhere with a nice view!
Before the trip, I remember thinking we'd involve the boys heavily in things like grocery shopping, cooking, activity research etc. However, often B and I do these things while the boys are footsore, happily playing, or already doing something else we've requested (e.g. blogging or getting ready for bed), so we don't end up involving them. Plus it turns out I don't WANT to hand over my meal-selecting responsibilities, haha! What works better is involving them in smaller ways: e.g. giving them a mission to find a grocery item or two, or discussing our sightseeing options with them after we've already narrowed them down. I guess we're not as democratic as I'd envisioned!
Something else that has been going well is our road trip routine. We don't have many three-hour drives left now, but we did quite a lot in Europe. B does all the driving as it usually costs extra to have a second driver in a rental car. First we settle into the drive for a while, then we do times tables (for AGES, if you ask the boys) in order for the boys to "earn" me reading aloud (Anne of Green Gables/ Harry Potter) and/or an audio story (Nevermore/ Wundersmith/ Hollowpox), and, occasionally, tablet time in the final hour of a 3+ hour drive. I'm sure the memory of us driving down a highway in France while we all wept over Matthew's death in AOGG is one I won't soon forget!
PLAY
Our boys have always played well together (they are also very capable of arguing well together!), and for the majority of this trip their only playmate has been each other. Thankfully, they excel at making their own fun using nothing but their imaginations. I love hearing them ask, "play game?" to each other. These games are conducted entirely through conversation, play-acting, sound effects etc, usually involving some kind of battle, and as such are eminently transportable!
Early on, I learnt not to expect the boys to spend more than a few seconds oohing and ahhing over the scenery... we might be walking beside the canals of Venice or exploring the Colosseum, but they are simply lost in their game of the moment! That being said, I was amused to note that their play is being shaped by our experiences. In Rome they were playing a pickpocket game, and at the Colosseum they were play-acting gladiator battles!
FRUSTRATIONS
I'm sure it's no surprise to anyone who's ever been on a trip if I say there are always enough stresses, annoyances and frustrations to go around. One that is particularly pertinent to travelling with kids is the frequency of lost items! We have MANY discussions, rules and routines around taking care of our things, putting things in their designated places as soon as we take them off, etc etc, but of course it is just so, so hard to remember 100% of the time, especially when you're somewhere new and interesting!
Here's a list of what we can remember having lost so far, in approximate order:
J's metro pass
J's wallet
J's first beanie
F's pen
F's beanie
F's sock
J's second beanie
J's third beanie
J's toy Bakugan
F's glove*
F's neck warmer*
F's metro ticket
J's €2 coin
J's fourth beanie
J's hat
J's glove
F's notebook
Note that this doesn't include all the left-behind items we've managed to find in time! There was J's lost backpack drama at a hawker centre in Singapore (eventually found near where he'd left it), J's notebook left at a restaurant in Italy (recovered after a phone call and a drive back to the restaurant by our nice friends), and many occasions when B and I spotted something left behind before it was too late. The two items with an asterisk were sent on by Donna in Switzerland to our AirBnb in Paris so were recovered after several weeks. The only question is... how many more items of headwear can we lose? 😆
GROWTH
Another aspect of the trip that has been really enjoyable is noticing the little ways in which the boys are growing, changing, gaining confidence, etc. They're still the same kids they've always been, but travelling together means we get to see them in different situations and settings and stepping up in new ways. Some of the most notable things include how well they've coped with several extremely long travel days, how much their ability/willingness to walk long distances has improved, and how beautifully they've connected with all of the kids we've visited or stayed with.
I think this last point is something I'll always remember as a highlight of this trip. It's absolutely heartwarming (and bittersweet) when we leave each of our friends' homes and hear from the boys how much they liked those kids and want to spend more time with them! Recently I asked the boys to list their top three things from this trip, and the first answer they both gave was "the people we stayed with". Someone asked me what I most want the boys to take from this trip, and my answer (having not actually thought about it until that moment) was: a love of travel and a desire to travel in the future. I hope they now feel like they have friends all over the world, and I hope they get to visit them all again someday!
There are also all the new foods they're trying. I can't claim they're suddenly massively adventurous foodies willing to eat anything and everything... but sometimes they surprise us with what they're willing to try and what they end up liking. F tried vendace (tiny, salty, chewy fried fish) in Finland and truffle in France (he didn't like either of them, but that's understandable!), and J liked the marlin in Barbados and crab meat sushi in Los Angeles. F is generally a hearty appreciator of meals cooked by our friends, and even picky J is managing to survive. The boys both declared that no pizza they had in Italy was as good as Domino's BBQ Meatlovers pizza, but hey... you win some, you lose some!
Other little highlights include things like F trying out some foreign phrases with strangers in Italy and France, J being so excited to visit the Louvre and then volunteering to do a great blog entry about it, F regularly giving his spare change to buskers or beggars, J's spontaneous heartfelt thankyou to our hosts in Barbados, and both boys deciding to take up Duolingo again to learn Japanese in anticipation of our final stop.
MEMORIES
We assume the boys will, over time, forget the vast majority of what we've done, and maybe just retain a few key memories or mental snapshots of the trip. It'll be interesting to see which ones stand the test of time. In the meantime, though, we're having frequent conversations about who we've visited and what we've seen. There are many opportunities to do this while we're meeting people who ask about our travels, but we do it when it's just the four of us, too. We regularly reminisce about things we've done, or rank our favourite days or meals, etc. We encourage the boys to read the blog, and I often re-read it myself. Hopefully this will help cement these memories in each of our minds.
It will be even more important to do this after we get home — not all the time, but occasionally — to help the boys remember as much as possible. I hope to make a photo book or two, or print out this blog if possible. Something else I'm doing is keeping a (long!) list of things I want to do when we get home. Some are things directly inspired by the trip (e.g. new foods to cook), some are habits inspired by friends we've stayed with (e.g. make a basket of guest room goodies), and some are not directly trip-inspired but are just things I'd like to do more of once we get home (e.g. go on more family bike rides). I hope the trip can continue to be a part of our daily lives in little ways that make us remember and appreciate it all over again.
CONTEMPLATIONS
I've come to think our kids are at the ideal ages (11/12 and 8/9) for doing a trip like this. We were very intentional about the timing of the trip, having dreamed of it and worked towards it for years, and I think we got it pretty spot on. We knew we wanted them to be old enough to remember it, walk reasonable distances, wait patiently in lines, etc. We also needed them to be young enough that missing school wasn't such a big deal, and didn't want either of them to miss the end of primary school or the start of high school.
From talking to other parents, I've realised that another advantage of our boys' current ages is that they're still quite content in the family unit. They're not old enough to have much in the way of an independent social life or free reign of their digital devices etc, and I think the trip dynamics would be significantly different once those things come into play. Hopefully we'll get to do more travelling with them as they grow older, and that will have its own joys and challenges, but for now I'm grateful we chose the timing we did.
Travelling with kids requires a different mindset to travelling as a couple or solo travelling (though I have little experience of the latter!). Compared to when B and I were in our 20s, we drive smaller distances per day, visit fewer attractions, stay longer in each place, eat more frequently and have more downtime. This is not just due to our kids' presence but to our own reduced energy levels as we get older! We also have more people's preferences to factor in when making decisions. The upside is that we get to experience places — including those we've previously been to — through our kids' eyes, and this is a wonderful way to make travel feel fresh and new.
People have recently started asking me if I'm feeling ready to go home. The answer is that, while I don't want to rush through the last part of the trip in order to make it end sooner, I think I'll be ready to go home when the time to do so actually arrives. Being away has made us appreciate plenty of things about our life in Brisbane, and the start of the trip feels like a long time ago! We're all looking forward to seeing our friends/ loved ones/ dog again. And since this trip has only served to deepen my desire to travel as much as possible, for as long as possible, with each other and with our kids... well, we have to come home so we can someday go away again, right?!
